11/30/05 Healthy Appreciation of the "Arts"

Performing Arts Barbie formerly known as "Performance Anxiety" Barbie is qualified! She won't have the certification until is is back from the printshop but it does exist. I hear that she qualified "Expert" according to sources....
Did you know that it takes 4 attempts to get through Gladiator? Only about 2 attempts for Troy and The Last Samurai was given up on quickly. Sleep is good. And if you get a wake up call at 0300 from a carpenter, you probably should acknowledge it. It may be a plesant surprise, or make your day. You may even get coffee in bed as a bonus.
Another trip home in emotional drama. The trip back was dry except for the eyes. The trip over was fun too. Chains and 30 mph for about a hour + (Before Truckee to Baxter). ICK! But no sliding and the Beetle made it in one piece. Something to be said for Winter. It sucks!
How do you know if you snore or not? Can you set the recorder and put in an extra long tape. Or do you take the word of a bunkmate? I know that I breathe through my mouth when I sleep which makes for really foul breath, but is there a snore too? I refuse to believe until I hear evidence. :)
So, tomorrow my rent jumps $200! Can you say "Major Melt Down" Barbie. Yea! Not a cool thing to come home to. Like anyone warned me at 430pm that the Renewal notice had been posted while I was away and was due? So then I could rush over and sign it???? No of course not! How the hell am I going to come up with another $200 a month for rent when I can't even come up with that much to go to the Optometrist for a yearly eye exam? Really fun to be me right now! Yea.
So, all this crying and melting down has made me really tired. I really should sleep cuz I have to be at work tomorrow at 7am. UGH! I really don't want to go. I really need some "quality" time off but can't afford to take it. I need a different job! I need so much and yet can't give it to myself much less ask someone else for it!
What to do?

Brrrr it is cold inside

68 Degrees is not really that cold but I am not ready for winter yet! Like I ever am ready for it.
Thanksgiving was okay. Thanks to Atkins I couldn't eat most of it. Thanksgiving is a carboholics dream! Oh well. It is just food and I am trying to end the emotional attachment with it! We went to Grass Valley. It was great for about 2 days and then after that, I got claustrophobic. It also sucks that I didn't have my own car to leave whenever I wanted to or rather when we were supposed to (11am so on top of hill by noon in case of inclement weather) yea right! I cancelled plans with a best friend who was coming up to meet me and hang out for a while cuz we were supposed to be leaving early. We ended up leaving about 330-400pm! What a load of crap! That is why I like to take my own car even if it means that I have to sacrifice an hour or 2 nap, I have the freedom to leave when I want to and do as I wish.
Today is an off day and despite the fact that I really don't want to leave the house, I am sure that there are a few things that are non-critical that I can do outside the house. I will try to stay in though because I have things that really need to be done in the house. Like putting the plastic on the windows so that the cold air doesn't come in! And laundry is another important but not critical item. I may go to the grocery store for the basics: eggs, milk, anything Atkins that can be eaten hot. :)
There was much more that I wanted to get into this entry but I am at a loss of words again. Maybe they will come later and I will have a 2 entry day?

11/24/05 Sleep is good

That's right, I slept until 7am! 9 hours about. Feels great. Didn't want to get out of bed but obviously made it to the computer :)
Coffee is ready, breath is bad, hair pleasantly messy, and Hef jammies on....Ready to blog I am, though it may be difficult to follow cuz I have so many thoughts running around in my head right now....
Dreams:
Have had one or more per night for at least the past 4 nights. I dreamt that I was in the military and ran across the road in front of a company of soldiers in black tanks and other APC's and a few on foot. They turned onto the same street and proceeded past me and the other soldier that I was with. I am sure that I only had an M-16. It was a semi forested area and as they passed us they stopped and began to fire any and all weapons. I jumped into the bushes slightly behind and to the right of them and hid....then woke up.
The same night, I dreamt that I was flying in a plane but the pilot and passenger seats were back to back not side by side. It was a wonderful feeling to be flying. The sky was blue and had a few white clouds. It felt nice to be sharing this moment with the pilot who loved flying.
Last night I had a dream that I was walking around town topless. It wasn't Reno or Sparks but it was maybe even on a cruise ship. I had my arms folded across to hide most of the view but was semi-frantic to get back to my room or someone's to get a shirt.
Wonder what I ate before bed last night? That dream was weird.
And today is a good day. I have a list of things to do. I will begin with drinking the coffee and then head to the dryer to fold clothes, shower, hair, pack for the weekend, and then finally go. Somewhere in there is breakfast of course and another coffee or two : )
So, I am sparing you a few other directions that my mind was going in because I have seriously forgotten them...not enough coffee yet?
Have a great Turkey Day!

11/22/05 AAAARRGGGGHHHH!

Got up at 0430 like any insane person. So I get on the treamill turn it up to about 2.5 to warm up and it goes up to 1.7 mph then dumps down to .7. WTF!!!!!! Now I have to do floor work instead, sorry heart, you will get your workout someday.....
Then I still haven't had my coffee and man am I grumpy now! Then I get online and read that my smart talented kid is getting an F in History and C- in Language Arts and I didn't even bother to look at the other two core classes! WTF!!!!!! Exactly what I told her. I guess that I will cancel the cable and maybe even her phone. It is obvious that something isn't working and all the times that she says she doesn't have homework, are lies!

Not a great way to start the day! Unfortunately I now have to check my email every day whereas before it was optional. Now I have to treat her like a baby again and make sure everything is in order. So much for trust!

Just for once I would like to do something that I want to do for no reason but to do it and not have any repercussions or regrets!!!!

Have a nice F*@#<$g day!

11/21/05 Say Anything

Do you ever feel like you will explode if you don't say something? That if you don't put your 2 cents in, all will be lost? How does that feel? It almost lands in the category with "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all". I think that Thumper said that in "Bambi". Did you ever hear your mom say that phrase? I am sure that it is out there for a reason. Not just because someone wants to say it or hear it.
Babbling as usual. Must sleep no matter what. I am falling asleep at the keyboard. Could be dangerous.

11/20/05 Walking on Sunshine Barbie

Yep that is true. Barbie has heard from a Pirate type Prince Charming several times in the past hours. He is near and dear to her. He makes her think and feel again and that is awesome! Where have you been for so long? I feel so many things but fear saying them that it is too soon or not the correct emotion to go with the feeling.....or maybe she wants the emotion so bad that she has disillusioned herself!

Malibu Rich is alive! He is now named that because of the multitude of Rum libations consumed over his last assignment. I need those beach photos stat! Oh to be even remotely near a beach that I could drive to. I don't count Lake Tahoe as one of them (too cold, to woodsy, not a real beach). Glad you are alive friend. At the end of this assignment, you better catch up huh?

Barbie is one complicated chick! She desires love but can't learn to love herself. She is not opposed to lots of kissing in order to turn a toad into a prince if need be. She has so many things to do but doesn't want to do them so she can instead take a break from the daily crap and simply exist. She is co-dependent to a fault. Is that really a bad thing that she likes to do for others? She has many goals and a "to-do" list 15 miles long but has no direction or ability to prioritize them. She wants to do too much all at once. She feels like she is running out of time and would rather not think about that.
Anything less just wouldn't be Barbie though would it?

11/18/05 So much to say

It is the little things that count the most! I am not one to complain when someone makes a genuine nice gesture towards me. I feel that I give more than I receive. If my coffee had only 1 Splenda, I really didn't notice because I was so overcome by having coffee brought to me in bed! I was in a semi-state of shock and the gesture so sweet that my taste buds were affected!
I haven't blogged this much ever. At least I don't think that I have. For several days this month, there are two entries. There is a blog nearly every day! This is a new twist because typically I journal or blog when things are blue and yucky! I have begun a new journal with a new mission in mind. I am going to be extremely proactive in my betterment of my Barbie self. I have had several good/great/FANTASTIC!!!!!days/moments this month. Maybe all that good is making me tired! I am not used to it. Ü It is a bit overwhelming.
Jealousy is easy to come by when a Barbie's perceived needs have not been met in the past and she has had to "fight" for what she has gotten. It is like teaching an old Barbie a new trick/way of dealing with things. Learning patience and losing jealousy go hand in hand.
"EVERYTHING is possible" is a new motto. No stipulation of "if you put your mind to it". There are no ifs, ands, or buts. It is what it is and EVERYTHING is possible! Patience is new but I am bound and determined to get it. Self worth and self confidence are also new items but some of that is from becoming more aware of my body through exercise. I wonder if I can get a flat belly before the embryo transfer? What is the quickest amount of time/program to achieve that goal. Carbs are bad Ü and it is getting easier to eat only when hungry because there are so few choices now. It is like when I was on Atkins before but I need to increase the H2O! Even if it is warm water in place of a zillion cups of coffee (though I am switching to 1 regular and the rest in decaf form.).
Getting sleepy and need to get up and walk around to fight it until B gets home. I fight sleep more lately. I just don't want to stop what I am doing. My body just sort of shuts down. Probably not good to let me get to that point.

11/18/05 "Black Coffee in Bed" by Squeeze

I don't know why but every morning for this whole week, that song has popped into my head. I don't even like my coffee black! I like it 3 Splendas and medium blonde (cream preferable to milk but usually make do)......Who knows why the brain works as it does.
Wow! 7 hours of sleep last night! That is usually my magic number but lately I am craving more sleep. Making up for the excess coffee and lack of sleep over the weekend? Not sure. But it would make sense. Maybe that is the connection too, I got coffee in bed two days in a row. Spoil me rotten why don't ya? Prince Charmings do exist!
So, hopping on the treadmill for now or it will never get done. The up side besides the health benefits, it that I just might wake up some more. Ü

I feel great now! Between the treadmill and the shower massage, you just can't go wrong with that type of wake up, well besides the obvious one that is better. Ü
Off to the Mechanics for Bug Maintenance then so many other things on my list for today in addition to work.
Will see how it all pans out!

11-17-05 Perspicacious

Why does this word just jump into my head this morning? The world (and myself) may never know. It means "having keen insight". Insight=understanding of a things true nature. I am still wondering if I have this.....Quite the topic for conversation this morning. Keen=perceptive. Perceptive=ability to become aware of through the senses. Wow, I am vocabulary Barbie this morning. I had to look up words in the dictionary just to get thoughts on screen. I still don't know if this is an accurate adjective for me. That doesn't give me a real confident feeling about the day at hand. It seems that today will be a mental fog one.....and I even got to sleep 6 hours(ish)...maybe I can evaluate whether I am this adjective today.
Processor Speed.....hmmmmm......the computer is even faster than I am this morning. I tried to look at the "parameters" when the computer first came on and it was there and gone. Funny how when you want to look at something, it is a flash in the pan. But when you want to close a stupid little box to get on with the rest of your work, it takes minutes or hours.
I have plans to make today. I have to get the "master plan" onto paper. That may be a great excuse to start the new journal that I have. I don't know that I want the MP to have it's own book or not. If it were in the journal, that would be great excuse to re-read and then formulate/modify new branches.....
Coffee waiting. Still no cream or milk, just the powdered stuff. Good excuse to have coffee at work, half and half, yea. Will also maybe compromise and have on cup of regular leaded coffee and since I love the taste and smell, have decaf for the rest of the day......Hmmmmmm. So much to think about and so little time to get ready for work!
TTFN

11/16/05 Can a Barbie get a break?

Actually I have received a few breaks....cd player for the car, smooches, news from Karen about Surrogacy....help with my "master plan" :)
It is amazing!
Was on the treadmill tonight watching TV. It felt great! Motivation is a powerful good feeling. And exercise makes you tired! So, I am not going to continue this blog at this time in sacrifice for SLEEP!

11/16/05 Wanted: Coffee STAT!!!!

There is no milk nor cream for the coffee this morning. Is it going to be one of "those" days? Naw! I can control my own destiny to an extent. Even Barbies need to sleep once in awhile. :)
I am sitting here freezing and still waiting for the coffee and for something profound or at least funny to write about.......no hold music here..........still waiting.........
How about this?....Wants and needs. Everyone has them. You can define: Needs are things that you have to have for survival: sleep :), shelter, food,etc. But wants can be needs too. A person wants affection and attention, nurturing if you will. That is necessary for survival too even on the basic necessity level. So a want can be a need too. A flower can grow with sunlight, water, and occaisional "Miracle Grow" supplements. But if you give that plant attention and really care about it, it will THRIVE. It is as if you strenthen it's will. :0 Imagine that....people have impact on other people's lives. Who would have guessed?

Coffee getting cold and a set or 2 of lunges and squats left to finish. Still no real profound thoughts....a little profanity and grumpiness but I can save that for another blog. A quote to ponder......"Courage is being scared to death, and saddling up anyway"-John Wayne
Great coffee and lots of courage,
Jennifer

11-14-05 Tea and low carb cookies

At only 3 carbs each, they aren't a bad treat I guess. I need the recipe for low-carb pumpkin cheesecake too! I think that it is on the Splenda.com site or the Food Network site.
There is a truly marvelous tree near the entrance to our apartments. I wish that I had a digital camera so that I could share the photo with you. My words won't do it justice but you will get the basic idea. It is an average sized tree and has gold and bright red leaves right now. When the sun hits it, it can take your breath away, it is so beautiful.
Beautiful people, I have some in my life right now. I am so greatful that you wear the galoshes and hip-waders and stay near me when the emotional floodwaters rise. Without friends, where would anyone of us be? We need to be nurtured! I need to be nurtured in a way that I can't do myself. Some of us need it from the outside more than others. It doesn't really matter how you grew up or what situations you have lived through, you could have had an optimal life thus far by all standards but still be in need of the hugs and love and reassurance that others can give you. Reassurance, yea, that is a great word. I know that I can do all that I do/achieve/have done alone. But it is much more fun to share with someone other than myself. Even Survivor Barbie needs to go on leave once in awhile! Ü Though sometimes it is mental health leave and not the posh Barbie townhouse on the beach, streetbike, pink leathers, and cabana boy named "Ken". Ü
Survivor Barbie got a little lost on this last mission because she didn't pay close enough attention to the landmarks on the map. Now she is hard charging (thanks to a peptalk, you know who you areÜ), dedicated and motivated. Amazing how she can go from one extreme to another in a few hours! MRE's will kill ya unless the dessert is Prozac and Diet dew. Ü

11-14-05 Proofreading

Further clarification is due in reference "emotional reaction" in past blog. It was not necessarily a good reaction, thus the nausea. It is one thing to feel your emotions and another to let them take over. They took over here.
Having a good cry or other "emotional reaction" takes a toll on the body. Tired, headache, slightly grumpy.....sort of resembles a hangover doesn't it? Yea.

The cool news if you have followed the blog for the past month is that I am down in weight from 192 to 178 in 3 weeks! Something to holler about but I have this headache that might do me in if I do. So I will blog about it and use frequent exclamation points! We have a challenge at work for anyone who loses 10% of their body weight, they win the money that a lot of us paid for the contest ($20 a piece). I weighed in at 191 so have 19 to lose. As of now, that number to lose is 6 more lbs! Piece of cake provided that it is sugar free low-carb cake! Ü No real exercise program followed to date, just strict "Atkins".

"The time has come, the Walrus said to talk of many things. Of shoes and ships and sealing wax, cabbages and kings. And why the sea is boiling hot and whether pigs have wings"~~~Alice in Wonderland

Off to work I go and coffee numbers 2 and 3 lined up, and lots of Ibuprofen in my future..

11-13-05 Cinderella is back!

What a great weekend! Lots of snuggling and talking and coffee of course. Cinderella turned out pretty hot and the fact that her dress kept "popping" open, was icing on the cake...everytime I took a breath, sighed, yawned, got into the car, stood up...."HOW YOU DOING?", quite a laugh riot. Ü
I felt special and no ones wants to let go of that feeling. I was afraid that the feeling wouldn't come home with me. Only a small amount remained by the time that I was halfway home. I just couldn't seem to hold on tight enough. I couldn't help but feel that it was an absolute, all or nothing that was associated with someone else making me feel special. Why can't I do that myself? What is the magic switch that I can flip?
I did discover a "Happy Place" though, like on Happy Gilmore. My happy place has red flannel sheets and comfy bed. I can cuddle up and be warm. I am not alone there. I can hug or be hugged. Everyone coexists in harmony there.

The drive home was rough. I felt like throwing up the whole way. Even now my stomach is churning. I alternated between shivering cold and turning on the air. It sucks to have an emotional reaction so strong that it can make you sick. Yet another thing that I am good at but try not to do often. Only you can control yourself and make yourself happy. Right D? But if you have no clue how to do that, it helps to have someone else give you a hint. Maybe refresh your mind on past things that made you happy. Or pointing out what they think you could be good at or do well.
Off to sleep. Emotional outbursts really cause fatigue!
It was the weekend to remember! I haven't done the top 10 things that are good about me in a long time! The good right now is:
1. new "happy place" that my mind can visit anytime Ü
2. feeling special
3. great coffee
4. rekindled friendships/relationships(?)
5. Survivor Barbie (pink camo)
6. history lesson
7. tactical maneuvers
8. emotional expression
9. feeling relaxed
10.kissing memories.....

11-10-05 Pumpkin Carving

One more day to Cinderella. How exciting! It is sort of a blind thing. Surprises are more often than not very good! The pumpkin is nearly packed and ready to go. Well really it is a tomato but you get the gist I think.
List, list, where is my list?
1. Catfood
2. Black nylons
3. Make travelling tape (the tomato doesn't have cd yet)
4. triple check tomato contents
5. check weather
6. PMCS tomato
7. breathe
8. breathe
9. breathe

Oh and I got some great news yesterday. I am going to be an auntie again! Yay! And I got some paperwork but will have to explain that after the weekend. Gotta tell some people in person first before the rest of ya know.
Off to work. Tomorrow I get to go on my trip. It is like a mini-vacation whenever I get more than 1 day off in a row! No worries, just FUN!

11-8-05 What is Love?

That is a great song by Howard Jones popular in the 80's. I like that song.

Love and infatuation are completely separate emotions. Thanks for reminding me D. Infatuation is often first and sometimes temporary. Love is the stronger of the two. It can last many lifetimes or only a short time. Love can happen even if you aren't in a "couple" type relationship. Love is very flexible and can be used in many different layers. It is also versatile in that there is no limit to what types of people, places, ideas, ways...that you can "love" or express "love".
Love in one instance means that you care about someone so much that you would take their place if you could. That you are there for them NO MATTER WHAT! That you would take their problem as your own if you could so that they could take a break from the drama. That you even feel their sadness, happiness, whatever as if it were you in the same situation. That you want them to be great in everyway and will share your wisdom with them should they need it. Love can happen quickly or slowly. People elicit all types of emotions from others. Have you ever "clicked" with someone so strongly that you felt a spark or even saw one? Have you ever met someone so like you, who completed your thoughts or shared the same ideas on your same level? It is amazing! It can also be love.
Love means many things to many people. The beginning of this blog is my opinion of love. To be loved by me, is an honor, is a sign of strength, hope, courage, trust and that is not given to many on a true level. Infatuation is easier to throw around and something that you can eventually "get over".
So, those of mine whose correspondence is signed "Love," you are chosen ones. You have blessed me with greatness that is unique to you.
4 more days till Operation "Glass Slippers"!

11/8/05 LET'S GET SOMETHING STRAIGHT!!!!!

This blog hasn't needed "rules" as of yet but I have received a few "comments" and feel the need to clarify "MY" blog!
1. I don't surf other people's blogs except for friends, of which there are 2 sites.
2. If you have a direct comment, not a solicitation!, that pertains to my subject matter, post it.
3. If you have rude or otherwise "suggestive" comments, keep them to yourself and find another blog to read!
4. Rules are just that for a reason. They are boundaries so I am asking you not to cross mine.

GOT IT?

With that said, I have not forgotten what I had intended to post so will come back in another window.

11-7-05 In love with the idea of being in Love

Funny how that works. I seem to think that more often that not in my life, I have been enamored with the idea of loving someone so completely and them loving me back with the same magnitude. Was I ever really in love with the person or just the idea? Great questions for further "digging".
I grew up with a father who made it known that he didn't want me and "if I had to do it over again, I wouldn't have had either one of you". I heard this as early as 4 years old. No wonder I grew up with such a messed up idea of what reality was!
Stepdad number one was a real piece of work. He would lock my brother and I outside during the day and there was no limit to what you could be spanked with or when (Crater Lake story for later blogging).
Stepdad number 2, alcholic womanizer. Cheated on mom, beat mom and brother, I was relatively unharmed except I had one more view of how a dysfunctional relationship went.
Between stepdad 1 and 2 I got the "Your fat and ugly and will never amount to anything". Strong work guys!
Luckily I got out of family and moved away before Stepdad number 3 occurred. Paranoid and Psychotic.
Maternal Grandfather, alcoholic as well, real mean SOB, made a bet with me Senior year of High School that I would flunk out, get knocked up by a Mexican and live off Welfare. The bet was on paper in the amount of $100! My mom paid his debt around 1998 and I never saw him again even when he died finally!

You see a pattern. Not a whole lot of good male role models in my life! Stories from books became my life. I had to be dragged away from the library. I could spend a whole day at Barnes and Noble even today! Romance stories are the best ones because the guy always comes back and a happy ending is inevitable.
Reality, what is that? It has been so long and my reality blurs together so well with all the other realms that I really don't know what it is. I really don't know anymore what I would be "good at" or what my interests are. If I did, they probably wouldn't be very practical or anything that I could earn income from. I read romance books for the happy endings and that makes it difficult for "real" people to live up to them as the heroes become a little more real in my mind than they should be.

This Barbie needs to get going or be late to work.....saving more drama for next time

5 days till the "Ball"! Need to find a few more replacement mice and polish the glass slippers!
You can't really make LOVE happen. It is either there or not. That is not the way in romance books per se. LOVE always happens no matter what.

11-6-05 Hello Again....

Of course it is me, who else would have the inner drama and turmoil? (haha)
So, the pumpkin must turn into a grand carriage in 6 days. I am so incredibly excited!!! Have you ever had a dog whose tail wags so hard in their excitement that they bruise your leg? That is how I feel (tail wagging) but in human form.
Dress---check
shoes--check
top secret under dress items--check
Parachute--now where did I put that???????
Will need to pack and of course include the tools for hair torture. Ü So much to do and so little time. Hope I come off as Princess Fiona (Cameron Diaz version not the ogre version), I refuse to wear green eyeshadow! Ü

Have you ever wanted something so strongly that you just found out existed? You were going along at a decent speed on the freeway of life and suddenly find that you can get to a wonderful tropical vacation that you had no idea ever existed. It is all I can do to keep my car on the path that it was on and not go lightspeed toward the beaches and palm trees that I always crave but usually exist only in the romance book of my mind.
Co-dependent Barbie wants to sprint even though it is unknown territory and there could possibly be landmines on the beach.
80's hair Barbie says "party on Wayne"! Enjoy the moment cuz you are living out one of your fantasies!
Phat farm Barbie is hoping for a diet and exercise miracle that will turn ogre Fiona into the Princess. Though she looks good in green no matter what.
Run with Scissors Barbie is trying to curb the tendency to go "all out" and keep it real instead. Though she catches herself with the scissors time and again.
Single mom Barbie is filled with hope and trying not to make assumptions or expectations cuz it has been so long and she wants to be Cinderella so bad (the happily ever after).
Fantasy Island Barbie is laughing at all of them cuz this is her forte! She has concocted this dream several times and knows how it could play out either way.
They are all really hoping for the same turnout.
Stay tuned for more of the Barbie chronicles......

Must go round up the mice to pull the pumpkin to the ball.
6 more days....

11-1-05 Confidence

Funny how just when you think that you have it, you figure out that it was not your own doing. You ran with scissors again. Disinfect, Put on a Bandaid, Refocus and get back to work. Remember the great feeling and try to bring it back so that you can feel it. Recreate that great aura that was like a warm, fuzzy, soft bubble that you were floating in for a while or two.
Practicality is good.
Honesty is way good.
Being real cannot compare to anything else if you know what real is. It would be great if someone else could tell you so that you would know the difference between reality and your dreams and desires (mine always blur). But that would be their reality and not yours. Reality is subjective it seems.
Blogging twice in a day...how is that?
I blog more when I am not so happy. The same with my journal. Why don't I do the happy? Write it down so that I can call it up when I need it? Too busy being happy? Maybe.
So, Cinderella has a dress and everything is falling together and a few things apart but nothing a little tape can't fix. If only she could grab confidence by the horns and hold on for dear life. (Can you picture here a Prom queen bull riding in her formal dress?). I still have a little humor left.

11-01-05 Just Duckie

Fall is a wonderful time of year! There is magic! Everything is possible!
Someone brought to my attention my previous blog. (I agree it was vague and I have since corrected the typos.) It is what it is. That is how I felt and chose to express myself at that particular moment and though I might like to change the entry, I can't think of any other way to put my thoughts than how they resulted there.

I am Cinderella this fall. There is so much potential and I have been blessed with opportunity. I don't need to name anyone for I am sure you know who you are and if not, I will work on that. The best things are the ones that are unexpected. The ones that challenge you to be the best that you can be, to step out of your box that you are comfortable in and do something new.....
Right now I feel like I am getting ready to jump out of a plane. My heart is thumping, I am overcome with "to-do" lists and the end is just like the best celebration you could ever go to. Even better than Disneyland!!! (Vague enuf?)
Just breathe he says. Okay a novel idea but I will try it none the less. It couldn't hurt. I may have to pencil it in to my schedule. (haha)

I am incredibly grateful for this opportunity and change and everything new and unfamiliar. I embrace it fully and run with my scissors (more direct than dancing)towards the end which is really not an end but a great beginning with many roads to take and so far as I can see, they all end up in great places.

Off to job, shopping and list making.
And she finally breathes...in through the nose and out through the mouth.....