18-Jul-10

Feeling again. On the way out to a birthday party, I felt it. That feeling that I need to get away. The brown mountains are depressing and I hate them. Being surrounded by mountains on all sides, I hate that too. The family functions, hate them! As much as I want to go away and be alone, I also want B to be okay on her own, able to take care of herself. I don't think that she is there yet.
I am tired of everything and afraid that nothing will ever be exciting to me again. What if I am never happy again? Was I ever happy before? Is there anything that will work? At what point do I find out what will make me happy?