2-19-10 Does it ever end?

The answer is no. I feel another depression episode coming on and feel helpless to prevent it. All I can do is take my meds and keep my appointment for next week. Why can't my happier times last? Is there something else besides depression going on?

I finally got below 200 lbs the other day and rather than be happy, my first thought was not to eat and spoil it. Then, well it is just going to go right back to where it was.

I tried taking some photos last night and was so disgusted by all of them that I just deleted every single one. I looked terrible. Either dark circles or the fat roll at the neck or at the underarm. Really this blog is so terribly negative because I am stuck in the middle of jobs that I hate, debt that doesn't seem to end, and the desire to change it all but no means. I have no idea what else to do at this point. Everything else that I may lean towards for job solutions, requires school either college or vocational. School requires money. I don't make enough money as it is much less try to figure out how to pay for one more thing when I can't even figure how to have more money for groceries.

Seems like it will never end. Even with the tiniest bit of hope, I can see the doom should anything come to fruition!