Get your minds out of the gutter! It wasn't that kind of ride. It was 10 hours of hell bumper to bumper up Hwy 50 over Spooner Summit beginning at 12 and ending at 10pm in Vacaville! UGH!!
There was a rockslide on 80W that blocked East and West bound lanes. That is the prime way to travel over the Sierra Nevadas! So, we detour through Carson City and up Hwy 50 (the long/scenic way). About half way up the hill, we pulled over to put chains on the beetle. Brianna and I did a great job. She is a super helper! The chains lasted about 5 minutes down the road. There really wasn't enough snow on the ground and NO ICE to speak of so we took them off again. It took roughly 6 hours just to get from before South Lake Tahoe through to Tahoe City! Bumper to bumper. Nothing more than 5 miles an hour! UGH! We were tired and had to pee really bad! We stopped at the Big K where the Hwy goes 50 West Placerville or 89 North Truckee. We decided after 5 hours on the "hill" that we were going to stick it out and drive over the hill and get there hopefully by 930pm. There really wasn't any major snow to contend with just people with chains on their cars in conditions that were not "chain necessary". Drama everywhere we go!
So, we get to Vacaville finally and get to pee again. So then I am on the way to my friend-type Prince Charming's house. I am going to go the "Back way" through the farm district to his house which is supposed to be shorter than hitting the freeway and going that route. So, Barbie doesn't write down the instructions but tries it from memory. Yea that worked! NOT!!! I called Heather cussing like a sailor about not knowing where I was going and someone not answering the phone and it wasn't too pretty. She got me turned in the right direction and on my way again after much surfing the Beetle through the flooded roads of rural Dixon! I got Charming on the phone and he navigated me through the rest and I arrived safely. In a very crabby mood and I was more mad at myself than anything but took it out on people that I care a lot about! I am so very sorry guys!
Heather and I got to go to Berkeley and our fave body and bath shop. We hit Barnes and Noble and Jamba Juice and on the way had Starbucks. Black tea chai latte is my new fave there! So, we were on our way back and got Brianna cuz her plans fell through for shopping with her friend. We did the mall thing. Oh to be a teen again with a cute butt and nothing but fun stuff to buy with Christmas money! After all of that we took Brianna back to Auntie's and I went to Heather's to say hey to the family. As we drove up, the power went out again! It was out majority of the night before too! Then Heather took me back to Charming's house and the evening went from there.
I was mad before we even went to get groceries. H said something about how it would be a major screw up to do PDA in a "friends with benefits" situation according to someone else that she talked to. Maybe I shouldn't have been worried about it. But of course I did! I had tried to hold hands on a previous trip to Walmart in public totally violating the no PDA rule. I had gotten a quizzical look before but no words and I analyzed that to shreds. Of course it was unnecessary because we got home and I was starting dinner and I explained it in different terms and it turns out to be a case by case exception thing. It is difficult for me not to show what I feel in some situations... I am especially vulnerable to the PDA stuff. Maybe I am not so brave in the "arena" but....there you have it. It is turning out to be far more difficult but just as I expected it would be. Less tears on departure this time but it was not "tear free". I am working on it but now have so many "projects" that I am working on that I have trouble working on all of them. They all need to be done and I feel that all are high priority!
My aunt doesn't feel that I should file bankruptcy. I fear that it is all I can do. End it all creditwise. I can't see past the sea of confusion in my head. I am hurting now. I feel like I have let myself and everyone else down. I feel selfish and yet at the same time, I feel like I am also doing everything for everyone else. Doesn't make sense. Does anyone have a plan that I could follow. Any ideas out there? I will take any help that I can get. I just don't feel that I am capable right now this minute of doing it on my own!
I can't help but think about how things were...I was thinner, I had excellent credit, I was a more happy, I had less worries.....I know it is past history but all that keeps coming back like a slap in the face.
Well, off to stop crying again, feeling sorry for myself and other general bad coping mechanisms...I need to find the "life DIY" book that Davey mentioned a while back and see if I can't track it down in the states. It is on my "must read" list!
Popcorn for dinner again, what's not to like?