12/16/05 #1

Just once it would be nice to be number one to someone. Just once it would be wonderful to be thought of as much as I think of them (and for them to admit it). Just once may never be enough. Just once may never happen. What if it doesn't happen? What can take the place of that feeling like you are the world to someone. Is it something I can cultivate myself? Is there any way I can work on it? Don't tell me it is related to being okay with myself. Isn't everything related to that? I get jealous easy even when there is no cause to be. I get attached easily even when there is not much to attach myself to. Can it be that is just how I am or do I have to face yet another "defect" in the fortress that should be Jennifer?