12/5/05 "Bueller....Bueller....Bueller...."
I feel sort of like that moment in "Ferris Bueller's Day Off". Sort of there but not, willing my brain to work but not quite succeeding yet.
I have neglected the treadmill for 2 days in exchange for sleep. I hate the change of time right now! Yesterday I came home to change clothes to go to Harry Potter and it seems that the sun went down as I walked into the house. I need more light. Well...that may be true but I should have phrased it as "I WANT more light". I am on day 5 of 8 and that is part of it. Working too much which I know is bad for Jennifer but need the money so.....catch 22 as usual.
Resolve in my journaling last night. I need to be true to myself. Going back to March of this year, I miss Dr. Tom. I feel like I am supressing again and not being honest with myself. My current feelings are getting "stuffed" because the past ones still aren't resolved. Will they ever be? If I could do magic, I would wave the magic wand and "heal" all of that instantly so that I could come back into the present. What is my "emotional truth" today? Well I feel a little anxious and a little numb. I am still not in working mode and need to get more coffee since getting more sleep is out of the question right now. I am sad that yet again I have to start over and build and tear down again. I also have hope though that today is a different day and that things can get better, that I can get better! 3 Wishes for today right now?...to be happy with myself, to heal, to use my potential.
No treadmill today. Will have to try tonight. Keep the bunny dream in sight.
Off to torture mane into straightness. Off to day 5 of 8 (though good that they aren't all 12 hour shifts!).
The good, the bad and the Barbie!
I have neglected the treadmill for 2 days in exchange for sleep. I hate the change of time right now! Yesterday I came home to change clothes to go to Harry Potter and it seems that the sun went down as I walked into the house. I need more light. Well...that may be true but I should have phrased it as "I WANT more light". I am on day 5 of 8 and that is part of it. Working too much which I know is bad for Jennifer but need the money so.....catch 22 as usual.
Resolve in my journaling last night. I need to be true to myself. Going back to March of this year, I miss Dr. Tom. I feel like I am supressing again and not being honest with myself. My current feelings are getting "stuffed" because the past ones still aren't resolved. Will they ever be? If I could do magic, I would wave the magic wand and "heal" all of that instantly so that I could come back into the present. What is my "emotional truth" today? Well I feel a little anxious and a little numb. I am still not in working mode and need to get more coffee since getting more sleep is out of the question right now. I am sad that yet again I have to start over and build and tear down again. I also have hope though that today is a different day and that things can get better, that I can get better! 3 Wishes for today right now?...to be happy with myself, to heal, to use my potential.
No treadmill today. Will have to try tonight. Keep the bunny dream in sight.
Off to torture mane into straightness. Off to day 5 of 8 (though good that they aren't all 12 hour shifts!).
The good, the bad and the Barbie!
posted by Jennifer at 5:28 AM
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