12/06/05 Something that I read today...
"Life is your greatest teacher if you are willing to learn...Not all lessons are uncomfortable or so veiled, but usually the big ones are. How we work through the problem determines whether we are afforded the opportunity to dance that tune again or if we have learned the complete symphony and now can move on to something new." ~Silver RavenWolf
Sort of along the same lines as "those who do not observe the past are doomed to repeat it" or something to that effect.....
In my life there has been much repetition. I can too easily blame myself... If I had learned the first time, If I had been more observant, If I had paid attention, If I had listened to my heart, and so many other if's...One it seems has to take a proactive stance towards their life. If you just go along and don't make an effort, you will repeat certain scenarios over and over again. Life is not necessarily hard, but it is definitely hard work!
From the time that you are born, you have to work. You have to learn so much and then reprocess it and use it a different way. Life is ever changing and humans have to adapt. There is little choice in the matter. Why am I just learning this now. I have always envied the "go with the flow" types. I feel the need to plan. To know "if this, then that" for everything. Why do I need this CONTROL so badly?
How can I learn to "let go"?
I have brainstormed a bit today about what if I moved....Where would I go? What kind of job would I get? Would I make a nice wage? Would it be enough to live comfortably with my daughter in a safe neighborhood that would help her grow into the remarkable woman that she is on the verge of becoming? Would I be happy there? Could we do what we are used to doing here? What about my support network? Will I be close enough to them?
See how I use the what if's?
I received several phone calls, texts, and email even, all from someone special. He is not a real knight but might as well be one. He does have a sword! Through his friendship I am learning to identify my dragons and let them go. He always says not to suppress a feeling. Let it be what it is and ride it out, feel it until it is over. I try to control it and my control is weak. I cry at work. I feel too much. I am afraid "to let go"! What if I can't come back from the emotion? What if it takes over. What happens to Jennifer then? Will she ever be what she wants to be? Simply happy and content with her life?
There is a line for the internet use at our house. I guess that I will let the void absorb and digest and then offer up suggestions on "Jenn Improvement". I am always receptive of a good trick or tip or shortcut if it is a good one.
Sort of along the same lines as "those who do not observe the past are doomed to repeat it" or something to that effect.....
In my life there has been much repetition. I can too easily blame myself... If I had learned the first time, If I had been more observant, If I had paid attention, If I had listened to my heart, and so many other if's...One it seems has to take a proactive stance towards their life. If you just go along and don't make an effort, you will repeat certain scenarios over and over again. Life is not necessarily hard, but it is definitely hard work!
From the time that you are born, you have to work. You have to learn so much and then reprocess it and use it a different way. Life is ever changing and humans have to adapt. There is little choice in the matter. Why am I just learning this now. I have always envied the "go with the flow" types. I feel the need to plan. To know "if this, then that" for everything. Why do I need this CONTROL so badly?
How can I learn to "let go"?
I have brainstormed a bit today about what if I moved....Where would I go? What kind of job would I get? Would I make a nice wage? Would it be enough to live comfortably with my daughter in a safe neighborhood that would help her grow into the remarkable woman that she is on the verge of becoming? Would I be happy there? Could we do what we are used to doing here? What about my support network? Will I be close enough to them?
See how I use the what if's?
I received several phone calls, texts, and email even, all from someone special. He is not a real knight but might as well be one. He does have a sword! Through his friendship I am learning to identify my dragons and let them go. He always says not to suppress a feeling. Let it be what it is and ride it out, feel it until it is over. I try to control it and my control is weak. I cry at work. I feel too much. I am afraid "to let go"! What if I can't come back from the emotion? What if it takes over. What happens to Jennifer then? Will she ever be what she wants to be? Simply happy and content with her life?
There is a line for the internet use at our house. I guess that I will let the void absorb and digest and then offer up suggestions on "Jenn Improvement". I am always receptive of a good trick or tip or shortcut if it is a good one.
posted by Jennifer at 8:56 PM
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