12-21-09 Epiphany?

I may have just figured out why I don't like getting presents. This morning it came after I wrote Brianna a note on the computer (I get home at 7am from work). Partly it is because I don't feel that I am worthy of receiving a gift. The other part is that when I have asked for specific things like wood for the fireplace or money to help with my tuition, I don't get them. So I go on in life trying to get what I want by myself, not asking anymore because I don't want to risk more disappointment. And since no one really seems to understand me, they won't figure out anything spontaneous that I would like to receive. Does it make sense? To me it does and I guess that is all that matters.

Crying for the second time today. Just lovely......