12-27-09 climbing mountains...

I had a dream last night of hiking and climbing mountains and crossing creeks and ziplining. Strange as these are not my favorite things at all. He was trying to rush me through the course and I was keeping pace. My Auntie was in the dream and leading a group of people through this obstacle like course in the desert/mountains. I started off running this course around mountains and it got dark fast. I could see the other runners' flashlights as they ran the return route of the course. Then we were sleeping and woke up to the desert again and random rocks and things. We were told not to touch anything, rocks, walls, etc or we would be swarmed by locusts. Hating bugs as I do, I was very careful. We hiked all day higher and higher up into the mountains. There were no roads that we could tell. There were few hiking paths and little else. Occaisionally we would come across a stream but we didn't dare touch anything. When we were well sequestered in the mountain doing some sort of climbing drill, I saw and old friend from the Army. He wasn't able to help me with the course though he looked at me as though he wanted to. I also saw my father who I haven't spoken to for 15 or so years. He was trying to rush me through the course but I was keeping pace with him. It seemed he was trying to run away from me. We ended up at this tiny housing development where all the homes had sparkling crystalline turquoise blue pools. Later I hiked even higher up and all you could see on one side of the road was grey rocks/boulders and on the other, the most beautiful clear water that you have ever seen. I am thinking that it was a lake but shallow.
I don't want to analyze it. It was what it was. I will not search for the symbolism or any elements common to my life as it is now. For now, it is just a dream.

12-21-09 Epiphany?

I may have just figured out why I don't like getting presents. This morning it came after I wrote Brianna a note on the computer (I get home at 7am from work). Partly it is because I don't feel that I am worthy of receiving a gift. The other part is that when I have asked for specific things like wood for the fireplace or money to help with my tuition, I don't get them. So I go on in life trying to get what I want by myself, not asking anymore because I don't want to risk more disappointment. And since no one really seems to understand me, they won't figure out anything spontaneous that I would like to receive. Does it make sense? To me it does and I guess that is all that matters.

Crying for the second time today. Just lovely......

20 Dec 2009 Real or Dream?

Is it terrible that I am even dreaming about knitting? I had a dream that I was broadening my skills and making spring and summer tops for myself. That wouldn't be an awful thing except that I would hate to waste that much yarn and then lose a ton (nearly) of weight and none would fit anymore after all that hard work!
The Christmas knitting is nearly done. I have 1/2 of a sock to finish and that will be that! There is a beautiful Red Sweater with cables and my favorite cowl neck to do that I have put off since 2007 when I first saw the pattern. Now I have the knowledge, yarn, and all other projects are done so....photos to come.
I don't know how I will pay for school. I have to smog and register the car, have a cavity filled, and that is about it. I don't have my second job for the next 2 weeks because it is Winter Break so.....will see what I can do.
Day one of six in a row and I am nearly bored to tears. I think that though I could stay for all 12 hours, I will call it quits at 11. I don't think that I can take it! I have been totally done with my work since 0200 and now it is 0436. Oh well, at least I have the vacation hours to pull from to make 36 for the week. Monday forward will be 9 1/2 hour shifts for 36 hours total (the 1/2 hour being for lunch)
Until next post comes to mind....