7-23-06 Are the brakes still on or what?

Though I had to drag my butt out of bed at 0845 cuz sleep was not coming back, I feel pretty good now. I have made rice and 2 packages of lumpia for dinner tonight, I also did the dishes and had a coke. I am now eating fruitloops and pondering the question "To Knit or To Crochet" a camera cover.
I have a new 7.2 megapixel digital camera! Of course I can only hold 8 photos cuz I don't have a memory stick yet. But it is way cool and soooooo tiny! I need to read the manual today cuz "B" is the only one who has used it. And it is MY camera!
Back to the arts and crafts section of the blog....I have just finished number 7 of the 9 "Burning Man" Halter tops. Yea! Of course 2 haven't been paid for yet. That will be $100 total. I have 2 left and it is on to the next project. I am not happy with the pattern for Gracie's blankie but maybe it will grow on me? Garterstitch isn't really that difficult, it is just the time factor because it seems like you do so much work on a project but don't get really far physically...will have to do some rows on that too. And a few on the 8th Halter top and I am embroidering also. Really relaxing! I wish that I had more talent with drawing and stuff. I just don't feel confident that I can get the picture in my mind out onto solid material accurately. A drawing class would be fun I think. I enjoy working with Watercolor pencils and of course needle work is my staple.
Perhaps I am onto something here. Destined perhaps to be a textile artist of sorts. I just wish that I was better at finishing projects and that I could come up with a project or two that wasn't tedious and could really make me money. How cool would that be? I feel that I am good at many things but need to be really "GREAT" at something. Hmmmmm. Topic for therapy this week!
Fruitloops are gone and needle work to be done. I need to pre-relax today, I have 5 back to back 12 hour shifts at the hospital this week! And a therapy appointment too which will be just perfect in the middle of the week. I need to think about a 2 day a week job that could be fun! I am so burned out on the hospital right now especially the ER! The people I work with and the whole environment is the pits.
Off to needlework-land.....

7/11/06 Take 2 of these and call me in the morning...

...and the meds have been increased. Finally someone says that I should be feeling more happy than now. Also, the thinning eyebrows are a sign of thyroid deficiency. And here I thought that I was going to have to get eyebrow transplants! I was wondering if they do such a thing? So, one is doubled and the other is increased by 1/2. Will see if it makes a difference. Mind over matter? I wish that were possible. I can't even get over the speed bumps that are physically in front of me much less put my mind to the ones that are in my brain!
Have some ideas and now have bimonthly appointments, welcome to the neverending saga that is my life.

7/5/06 Who am I?

A question often pondered. How is it that just when I am about to find out at least part of the answer, I abandon the task and find something else to work on. How is it that I crave so much attention.
Our new Director brought to my attention that as single mom's, we don't get that feedback that we need. Just hearing that we did/do a good job. In our world it is all about everyone but us it seems. I am so focused on paying the bills and trying to get some extra money that I become the job. That the job starts to take up too much of my attention and time and becomes primary. I forget everything else or simply set it aside like a project that I will finish "someday". When will I get time to work on me? When will it end, this madness that is making ends meet? Why is it so difficult to "change" whether it be jobs, way of thinking, habits, whatever? When do I totally get to do what Jennifer wants and not what I think that I have to do or what is expected of me?
It is a long road that is not marked on any atlas. I always seem to choose the one "less travelled" but will it really make "all the difference"?