4-29-05 Do you know how tired I am?

I don't even think that I can think of a word to describe how tired I am. I am convincing myself that it is a mental fatigue. I am not old enough to be physically tired!
Worry makes you tired!
Work drama makes you tired.(Heck plain old work makes you tired!)
Why am I so tired? I have been doing much better despite the temporary meltdown earlier in the week. I am in school, signed up for school, looking forward to school. I love school! I may have a night shift position in the future. It is all about the money. I would say "Benjamins" but they are really more like "Lincolns" or "Jacksons" in all truth.
I am even getting too tired to finish this blog! I have to wait for the washing machine to stop though so that I can get some things out to air dry overnight so that they are dry in the morning so I have something to wear over the hill to Vacaville!
Until we meet again, or even the first time!

04-25-05 Not all men are dogs? (I hope)

Why do I want what I shouldn't? Why do I try so hard to get what I think that I want knowing that it always turns out the same? Case in point (real names are used.....)
There is a cutie-pie EMT named Travis. We talk at work and I think that we are going somewhere. Not so. He's just a tease who has a bad relationship, who makes comments that he can't back up, and can't handle when I come back with one of my own. As my friend Rich said, I am often brutally honest. That tends to scare them off real quick. Friends with benefits, don't even go there. I want more! I want it all!!! or nothing. Maybe that is mean of me and I should be "just friends"? Don't know don't care. It is obvious that the fault is with me and not him. I could have said nothing to promote him talking to me again, I could (in a ultimate great world) have been a stronger person and not let myself get caught up. The whole thing obviously turns out to be onesided and I am not saying that just to be hard on myself!
So, back to lonliness. Not that I had a whole lot of prospect there though.
10 great things about me right now:
1. I am beautiful
2. I am smart
3. I am resilient
4. I am capable of change
5. I am independent
6. I am strong-willed
7. I am loyal
8. I am honest
9. I am responsible
10. I am passionate

Can you add more? I expect you to! Ü

4-12-05 Anywhere near the ocean is fine with me!

Anywhere near the ocean is okay by me! 

I think that I have another plan for the far off future. Owning a house. Not just anywhere, but somewhere with a beach in walking distance. I will have to get a house and a half, something with a small cottage at the back where my mom will inevitably come to live when she is ready (not yet, she is only in her 50's!), but down the road......
I can't explain how I know that she will be living with me or why, it is just a feeling that I have, a premonition of sorts. We will most likely be in California since anything too far North is just cold year round. Not saying that we will be in the ocean ever, but it would be nice not to have to pack a parka just to be near the water! Ü And there would have to be blackberry bushes in close proximity to the house. I may even have to have a hothouse so that I can grow tomatoes no matter what the climate is.

4-12-05 French Toast on Sunday Morning

Granted that it is two days later, but there is nothing like making French Toast late on a Sunday Morning! I love to cook! Maybe because it is creative to an extent and also because everyone needs to eat! I make just about everything except bread which is a project that I will be working to learn with my Nana. Lately I was on a caramel popcorn kick for about 3 batches. Ü Here is the recipe:
Carmel Corn
8 cups popped popcorn
3/4 cup packed brown sugar
6 Tbsp Margarine or butter
3 Tbsp Corn syrup
1/4 tsp salt
1/4 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp vanilla
Heat oven to 350 degrees. Pop the popcorn and place in a large bowl. Be sure to remove all unpopped kernals.
In a saucepan, melt brown sugar,butter, corn syrup, and salt, stirring occaisionally. When mixture starts to boil, stop stirring and lower heat. Let boil for 5 minutes. Remove from heat and stir in baking soda and vanilla. Pour over popcorn and mix well. Spread mixture onto a cookie sheet and place in oven. Bake for 15 minutes. Remove and stir. Put in oven and bake for 5 to 10 more minutes.
Remove from oven. Let stand about 1 minute and then break into pieces and store in an airtight container.

You will find it difficult to save some for later!

4-5-05 Guess What?

Well, I wanted to tell Rich this in person but I can't seem to get a reply from him to my calls or emails or texts. Guess that you will have to read it here...
I got nominated for employee of the month for Quality! I also got 3 recognition papers since I have been back to work 3-18-05 (not quite a month yet). Isn't that fabulous? I think so. I am not sure what "nominated" entails but I would like to shrink the paper down to make the nomination form, my calling card. Ü
Well, that is all that I have time for. I really need to get at least 8 hours of sleep tonight. I have been letting my sleep slide and really fear that the "old" me will come back somehow. Need to prevent that at all costs!

Phoebe & Mousie Boy 

4-1-05 Amazing

I was walking through the hospital yesterday on my way back to work after lunch. I walked by the surgery center where a middle aged lady and her mother were walking out. She stopped and I stopped. We both turned around and said "I know you". We ran through where I had worked and maybe where she worked (She is a professional calligrapher! How cool is that?) and we couldn't come up with any conclusion to how or where we knew each other. Her mother says "kindred spirits". I told them "Thank you! You made my day!". I couldn't help but smile for a long time after that. Wouldn't you if someone said that they knew you or that you looked familiar? It made me feel great! Amazing! Electric! Proud! A whole bunch of emotions that would take too long to name but that were very positive. I wish that I did think to get her name so that I could write her a thank you note. What a great compliment I got yesterday!