3-2-05 Untitled

Therapy makes you tired and thirsty! Can you get dehydrated by crying? I am really tired of it but it is a necessary element in my recovery. REPETITION! If life came with an instruction manual, we would all be great at it. I am trying now to assemble the manual that goes with "me". Writing the movie as I live it with constant spell-checking and rewrites. I may be in therapy for longer than I thought. That triggers anxiety, worry, anger, heartburn Ü...I refuse to worry about the bill until after I am "done". Being "done" only means that I have finished the beginning and am ready for the middle part of recovery. Practicing coping skills learned and applying new knowledge to dealing with life everyday. I am glad that Depression/Codependency are the only gladiators that I am up against. Add any other addictions and it will go beyond ugly!
I still love it. Therapy that is. I now look forward to it. I have bonded with some of the others and will find it difficult to move on but will have to do it none the less. That is life. It is what it is. I can only change me and that is the hardest thing to change. Admitting that I can't be perfect is another one. Accepting me for who and what I am and the skin I live in lumps, bumps, and all is also terribly difficult. You can't help but think how things were before and try to recapture that time. Well, it is not possible. We don't get a "do-over" for the past. We (I) can only accept it, learn from it, and move on to the next hurdle (or speed bump as Rich says).
I am Jennifer. I have depression and I am powerless against it and my life is out of control. Ü (This is the part where you say "hi Jennifer".) Ü