2-21-05 Therapy: you want fries with that?

Wow! What a couple of days it has been! The good news is that I like therapy a lot. I have learned so much already.
1. That my not letting stuff go is because I never learned how. Not that I am Irish and it is "our" nature. Ü
2. That I have never truly felt that I could be cared for by someone else.

My next question, since I have a clue to the "Why?" is "what can I do to fix it?" Depression is not something that I would wish on anyone. For those of you who haven't actually experienced it, you will never understand us who have. Not everyone has the courage to fix themselves or to ask for help. It took nearly losing my job before I asked. I am not even sure that insurance will cover the next 3 weeks but that is something that is "important but not urgent". So, I will worry about it later when I actually get a bill.
I had a best friend ask me today why I would be there so long (9am-3pm)all week for 3 weeks. I got teary and had to tell him that I couldn't say right now. I think that he felt bad cuz he was telling me about his problem. The real reason then and now is that I feel ashamed to be in a "partial hospitalization" program. My mom even thinks that I am in a 3 week "class". When I hear it or see it, I am reminded that I am a few steps short of a full time mental institution that is nothing like the movie "Girl Interrupted"!
For now, I am learning. I am not afraid to "share" in group therapy. I am not sharing what others discuss in group. (None of y'all's business anyway!) The important part of all of this is that I am getting much needed help. I wonder if we can address the loneliness too Ü. I can't explain it, but sometimes I just need affection from the opposite sex (even a simple hug would suffice right now!).
Until next time,
Jennifer