6-19-06 Monday Night

One cup of coffee with canned milk and 2 sticks of sugarless gum. How many calories is that? Is it enough to fuel an 181 lb carcass for 18 or so hours? It is almost like I am punishing myself for hating my job so much. Why do I resent everything so much? Why do things that I simply cannot change, make me so angry?
What else am I good at? I know, I have asked that one before and I guess that no one really knows me because I have yet to receive an answer! Who is the chick behind the masks? Sadly I don't even know.
I took a step today. I got the number of a lady who does career counseling. I realize that I am afraid to get out there and make a change. Fear of the unknown and fear of failure. BIG TIME! So, will check out the career counseling thing and try to get to know myself. Hopefully I won't lose my job in that time due to anger and resentment. Why can't I get paid what I think that I am worth? What else can I do since I am obviously not opposed to a 60+ hour work week? What else can I do that uses pride in doing a good job and dedication and attention to detail? Not to mention 4 college degrees (well, if they used 3 of the 4 that would be great!)....
Stress is bad. I am not sure how to eliminate it. I don't know how to abandon the resentment. I know consciously that I will never get the pay that I want or the recognition at this job. What else is there?
Enough drama for now......